Golf Confessions

#22 The Golf Ball Upgrade

I decided to start playing better golf balls.

I bought Pro V1s.

My handicap didn’t change.

My bank account did.

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#23 The “One More”**

My tee time was 7:30am.

I told my partner I’d be home by midday.

At 11:58am I said:

“Just one more hole.”

At 3:47pm I realised I’d become the problem.

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#24 The Golf Channel Expert

I watched three hours of golf on TV.

I now understand exactly what the professionals are doing.

I remain completely unable to do any of it.

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#25 The Golf Shoes

I bought new golf shoes because my old ones were uncomfortable.

My feet still hurt.

But now they hurt while wearing $280 shoes.

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#26 The Range Confidence

At the driving range I was striping every ball.

I arrived at the first tee full of confidence.

The first ball went 40 metres directly right.

I spent the next 17 holes trying to recreate the range swing.

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#27 The Cart Path

I hit my ball onto the cart path.

It bounced 40 metres forward.

I immediately told everyone:

“That was exactly what I was trying to do.”

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#28 The Club That “Needed Replacing”

My 7-iron was perfectly fine.

I replaced it anyway.

I then hit exactly the same terrible shot with the new one.

Turns out the problem was the idiot holding the club.

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#29 The Golf Shop Visit

I went into the golf shop to buy a packet of tees.

$347 later, I walked out.

I still don’t have any tees.

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#30 The Miracle Drive

I hit the best drive of my life.

Everyone saw it.

It went 287 metres straight down the middle.

Unfortunately, it was on the wrong hole.

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#31 The Provisional

I hit my tee shot into the trees.

I hit a provisional.

Then I found my first ball.

I played the provisional anyway because I’d already hit a better shot with it.

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#32 The New Swing

I watched a 14-minute YouTube video about fixing my slice.

By the end I understood:

• hip rotation
• club path
• face angle
• weight transfer

I then went out and hit the ball directly into someone’s backyard.

But I did it with excellent hip rotation.

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#33 The Score Doesn’t Count

I had a terrible round.

Fortunately, I was only playing socially.

Therefore, the score doesn’t count.

Unless I beat my mate.

Then it absolutely counts.

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Weekly Confessions

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